apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
