whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
