i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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