She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
