and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
