I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
