You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sext me about skeletons
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
