It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
