turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
