when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize