i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
