you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
