good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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