I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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