It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
