90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
