IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
