Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
