my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
