Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
