Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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