I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
