He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
