i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
