my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
