i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize