Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you will always have a special place in my vag
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
