i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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