I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
whose parrot is this?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
