Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize