Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Let the clothes fall where they may.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
