We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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