Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Alive.
So much puke
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
