She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
