Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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