I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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