Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
