I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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