I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
