who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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