his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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