it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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