Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize