What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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