you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
