Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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