i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
