i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
