when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
