he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
