I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
