I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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