I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
