Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
