there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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