All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
