Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
