The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
