they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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