I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
