What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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