My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
