Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
