Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
