bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
