My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
