If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize