So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
