This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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