Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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