i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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