She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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