you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
