Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
