so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize