he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
