this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
