Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
