sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
