So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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