he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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