im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
