I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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