physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize