Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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