don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
