I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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