God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
All the doctor said was why
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
