I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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