Do you still have your period?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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