i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
