Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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