if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
