I love black thongs
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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