He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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