Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
