yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
