Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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