But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
