The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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