matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Come share oat with me in your robe
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
