His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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