There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
