Soap is not a condiment
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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