she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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