Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize