So drunk its hurt
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
