You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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