grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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