covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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