FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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